You know you're a Jensen when...

We made up this list a little while ago, and since I haven't blogged for a couple of weeks, I thought you--my loyal readers--might enjoy it. Do you have what it takes to be a Jensen?

You know you're a Jensen when...

• The words "Hurry, hurry..." do nothing to move you any faster
• Snapping is an effective form of communication
• You can never let anyone into the house without the bathroom being clean

Poor Rob had to use 7-11's bathroom when he and Kristen were dating because she was too lazy to clean it.

• You can share one absolutely hilarious story about the 'Big Gray Van'
• Dad remembers every trip as a wonderful bonding experience but Mom can relate at least one horrific and death defying experience(s)
• You have learned from experience to NEVER play any sport with Kristen

Any violation of this principle has caused bodily harm to the offender--or loss of the ball.

Kandice's NOSE for example

Or Kelcie's eye--and that was just skipping rocks!

• You have, at some point in your life, tap danced in front of the fireplace
• Or hidden behind it
• You've snuck out of the house to get Sunday Pie
• You know WHERE to go to get Sunday Pie
• At least one childhood story includes you (as a baby) playing the piano stark naked
• Any time someone pulls out a bell, you immediately think of Christmas--and can't help but laugh inside as the next words out of your mouth are "now throw it in the middle and grab the one you want...okay, now you have to trade with someone else."
• It does not seem weird to you to draw a bunny or a puppy with your thumb
• When someone asks "Where's Karlee?" , you automatically repond with "Downstairs." Regardless of wheter or not you know she's down there.
• It does not seem weird to you that Karlee spends 75% of her life in the basement, even though her room is upstairs.
• You can name all three boats our family has ever had

The old brown one, Big Red, and Seymour

• You know what our father does for a living

No, he does not work for the government in a secret/undercover capacity--though I did have friends that thought that.

• When hearing the story of Katelyn getting run over by the boat, part of you honestly believes that it was Katelyn's fault
• It is an immediate response to sacrifice your own body at the expense of the boat

Kandice and her 'Run-away Boat' comes to mind

Or Kristen almost breaking her hand to protect her in-law's boat from the dock really is not that absurd.

• Whenever a nativity scene is presented, you automatically check to see if there is hay--if so, you know you're going to need to find the inhaler.

Institute shows are the worst!

• You have no problem stealing someone else's medication--after all, it's a family medicine cabinet. Right?

Guaffinex anyone?

What about cough syrup?

• Nor do you have any problem taking medication that has expired five years ago
• Prime Rib for Thanksgiving doesn't seem remotely unusual.
• Neither does Crab-leg for New Years
• You can explain to someone what the 'mother-load' is
• And you have fond memories of chasing Karlee around with crab legs stuck on your hands
• You can eat steak almost four times a week.
• You can easily identify 'Champs' and retrieve them for our father, even though you may have no idea how to explain them
• You are shocked and intensely amused at the idea of Karlee wakeboarding

She actually did really well

• The phrase "I stopped by..." logically ends with "a pet shop window."
• You can quote the line following Kristen's theatrical debut--"What happened to it?"

"Seems they trusted the wrong party"

• You chuckle at the idea of our mother wearing a shawl.
• You can divide the family into their respective camps of the Lord of the Rings fans and the haters.
• You automatically know who you will be 'aligning with' in a game of Monopoly
• You have no question as to what we would do over Labor Day

Boating

• You have Pizza Man's number memorized.
• You can rank each family member based on driving record
• Fog machines make you laugh as you remember Kelcie's pitiful existance

Asthma's funny....NOT

• Whenever anyone describes a rare/weird disgusting accident or illness, you can honestly respond with either "My mom had that..." or "My sister had that..."
• You know what a 'Portugese Man of war' is
• "This is our last will and testament"
• You can tell whether there is an alfalfa truck anywhere within 20 miles of your location
• Or if anyone has mowed their lawn in the last two days
• At any restraunt, the first words out of your mouth after meeting the waitress is "We're going to need a lot of water."
• It's not Christmas unless you hear at least once, "Oh, dear. Santa must have skipped our house."

Except Black Christmas

• It's not Christmas unless your mother comes to you in confidence and says "We may not be having Christmas this year."

We always do.

• Black Tuesday was one of the saddest days of your life.

Goodbye Saoirse!

• Your cat has a habit of stealing your Christmas Gift Cards.

Or your dad calls you at 3 in the morning to learn Photoshop.

• As someone asks you "What does your father do for a living," You take a deep breath and ask them if they really want to know.
• You have, at some point, worked for Dad.

Even if you still can't really explain what he does.

• The tips you leave at restaurants are based on whether your water glass has ever gone empty.
• You know how to speak 'Careenie-wease' (Baby Waby)
• You know how to say our mother's name

Care-een--like kerosene without the 'us'

• You respond defensively to the comment, "Five girls? And they all start with 'K'?"
• Sebastian the Sock is a good friend
• You remember the day when you realized that Dad really does know your name--he only pretends that he forgot
• A plot to overthrow the system, defy regulations, or bend the rules to get your way is almost too tempting to pass up.

Didn't you know? The rules don't apply to us.

Except they do.

• If you've ever almost been thrown in jail for not wearing your seatbelt

Oh wait! That's only Dad.

• If you can't ever find your cell phone, keys, or Driver's License
• When Rob joined the family, you were slightly shocked that Rob didn't eat enough red meat.
• There is never enough red meat.
• Your favorite childhood game was pretending that your parents had abandoned you--or were dead
• A sure-fire way to memorize is always "make a song out of it"

Kandice and Kelcie memorizing Kandice's biology notes was not remotely weird.

• Ambleance, Faj-ita, Moostache, etc.
• When you are going to throw away a paper plate, you check over your shoulder to see if Grandma is there watching

Because she'd definitely dig it out of the garbage

• If you still wonder why Rob is "the way he is"
• A trash can in the shower isn't so surprising--

Which is why we don't have a garbage can in the kitchen

• If you just found out that that's why we don't have a garbage can in the kitchen.
• Whenever a debate comes up in the family and you have picked your side, you will fight to the death--regardless of whether you actually believe that side or not.

School vouchers?

Organ Trafficking?

And that's the list so far folks! How'd you do? Are you Jensen material?